Nature, Get A Fucking Move On!

What is the fucking point of nose hair?? All it does grow there, looking ugly, and make my nose itch. I'm sure that back in prehistoric times it had some ultra clever purpose. Perhaps it was designed to help block the foul genital stench of the knuckle dragging cavewhore you were trying to bang, but not anymore. Thankfully these days the kind of girl I chase has neither dragging knuckles, or a smelly cooch, thanks to the advent of 400,000 years of evolution, and developments in the labs of Sure deodorant. I think in these fast paced times we should stop waiting for nature to do it's job and start looking for artificial ways of simply speeding up evolution.

My personal wishlist would go something like this:

Multiple orgasms (why should women get all the fun?).

Better bladder control. Required these days especially since 24 hour drinking was introduced.

Shark like teeth that simply regenerate and replace themselves, because all dentists are CUNTS.

Some kind of pocket, like a Kangaroo has to store loose change and my Oyster card.

An extra pair of eyes so I can look at two websites at the same time.

And finally, NO FUCKING NOSE HAIR!